Grief, God, and how it became the continual journey not the destination.

Introduction:

Grief is an intensely personal experience we all experience differently, that can feel overwhelming and isolating and can be very different for everyone. There is no one way to grieve and you really don’t know the journey until you go through it yourself. So how can God and His promises bring you peace and bring you community when you feel like the world is standing still?

The journey:

I want to take you on my journey with God through grief, It’s become nothing that is new, but it’s been a testament to His strength and comfort that faith can offer, when the world came to a stand still. The loss of 3 dearly loved friends and my Dad in the last 8 months, the loss of my brother Aaron in 2018 (his life was taken) and my cousin Melissa in 2009 (we were like twins and grew up as sisters) as well as all both my grandfathers and my grandmother. It’s left a void that took me on a downward spiral through the stages of grief each time. My faith in God was and is a crucial anchor during such turbulent times. As I turned to God with my pain, seeking answers and hoping for some form of relief.

Turbulent times:

Through the turbulence, i’d find myself in a state of panic, swiftly spinning like a Rolodex through the stages of grief, in a merry go round of emotions. I’d lay down to sleep at night and forget to breathe, there was many sleepless nights, many racing thoughts, many nights of bargaining, you name it, it was there! In the early stages of my grief, I felt completely numb coupled with total denial, and an immense sense of emptiness and aloneness. Then, with what felt like a swift kick to the shins out of nowhere, came survivals guilt, the first time i experienced this was the worst time. It found me shaming and judging myself for how i reacted or didn’t react as a way to cope. For example, if i have a good day, does that mean i am forgetting my loved ones? Does that make me selfish? Am i selfish? I wished i said more! I wish i called you everyday and told you what you mean to me! Even though, as an empathic person, i know i did (probably too much lol) but still felt like I could have done more. The gravity of it all held me down. Trust me i could go on and on, but i think you get it. Thankfully in my darkest moments, I found solace in prayer and a peace that surpassed all understanding. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

Prayer and Reflection:

In time through prayer and reflection, I began to experience a profound sense of peace, like the Bible says that surpasses all understanding. God was continually reminding me that I was not alone. Scriptures and reaching out to talk to family/friends and even at one point seeking professional help for council and comfort. Looking back now, in gratitude, it pulled me out of my darkest moments. Especially when i felt I wasn’t grieving the right way, and feeling like I couldn’t move forward without feeling guilty or ruminating on the should have, could have, would have’s. If you don’t already know the good news, the scripture reminds us of the promise of eternal life and the hope of being reunited with my loved ones in heaven. This belief has helped to alleviate the burden of sorrow and brought me hope and purpose back in my life. It’s never goodbye, it’s only until we meet again. That statement hold near and dear because of His promise!

13 “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

14”For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.”Thessalonians 4:13-14

Conclusion:

As time passed, my relationship with God deepened, and I began to see my grief as a journey rather than a destination. I found strength in my faith in God and now sharing my experiences and hearing others’ stories of loss has brought healing and made me realize i am not alone. The compassion I received others also became a crucial part of my healing process, allowing me to grieve and accepting what comes and goes, even to this day. Grief for me has always been there as it ebbs and flows i’ve realized the load feels less heavy. Even when grief comes in like a ton of bricks out of nowhere, God is faithful and will never forsake me. I realized that God was not only present in my moments of despair but was also guiding me towards growth and understanding. My journey with God through grief has been transformative, reshaping my perspective on life and reinforcing the belief that love and faith can transcend even the most profound sorrow.

Please know, that’s it’s natural to feel every and all emotions when dealing with grief, but remember that it’s okay to not be okay! Sometimes when we feel at our lowest, that’s when we can find strength and solace in our faith, and in the support of others. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and reach out for help when you need it. Don’t hesitate to contact your local church, a loved one, or a professional. Just know you are not alone!

With Love and prayer,

Desiree Fox

Disclaimer: I am not a professional this is only my personal account through my journey, if you ever need to talk to someone or have thoughts of self harm and need a crisis hotline-call or text 988 Suicide and crisis hotline or contact your State department of health for mental health networks. Also a simple google search will bring up many options to offer help crisis or not.